Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
