Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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