i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
