you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
