I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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