Little spoons don't ask big questions
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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