In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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