Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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