I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
