She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
