Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
