There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
