He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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