I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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