did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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