sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
