I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
