No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
