I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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