You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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