i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
