: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
