Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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