i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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