If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
