My room smells like vodka and shame
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
