i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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