can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
