His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
