it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
