Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
