I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
