I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
