I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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