How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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