someone get that fucking seahorse.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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