I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
