i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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