I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
