tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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