Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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