Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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