You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
