no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She bit a glass in half.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
