i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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