So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Randomize
