She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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