My first STD was from a foam party
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
