i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
