OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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