its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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