Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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