i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What a dumb baby whore.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
