it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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