I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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