we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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