just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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