I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
