My underwear smells like fireworks.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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