Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the day after is always just damage control
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's never too late to be topless.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Did you pee in the oven last night??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
