We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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