did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
