Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
