This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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