Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
