Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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