So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
