It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's Friday. Sex?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
