My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
