how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We got so high we made milksteak
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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