I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
