i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I touched a dick in church today
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
