dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
