coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you would pick up someone in the library
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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