saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
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