Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
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