There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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