sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
