3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
