dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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