I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
